my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
