I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
