worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just tell him i said nine months
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
