***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
