Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
