I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
