STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
