Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
