She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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