I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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