'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
