Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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