3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
