"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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