Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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