I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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