They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
