fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
