i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
