I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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