it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
