apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
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