I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
