He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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