we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
