remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just had sex bonerless
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
