Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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