there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
