I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
