I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
