I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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