Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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