The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
