I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
