She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
