I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
