she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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