dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
