the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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