its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
