I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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