No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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