I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
