don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
