I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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