DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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