i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
