She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
