my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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