Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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