Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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