I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
