When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
