I CAN MOONWALK!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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