I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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