I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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