so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
