If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
