I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
