do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
