Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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