why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i will never coherently bang her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
