youre lurking in front of me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
