Please, let me fuck your mom
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
