She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
