I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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