why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
