I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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